Everyday I find myself reflecting on the same weight related thoughts: How did I get this big? Will I ever lose all of this weight? Is this grueling routine even worth my effort? When will I feel like myself again?
In my mind I imagine myself looking much like I did when I was younger – toned and petite – but this is so far away from what I look like now. I’m not sure if it was this delusional view I have of myself that helped me get to where I am or if it’s natural to just blow up seemingly overnight when you live a fairly sedentary life. It’s probably a mixture of both.
I’d like to be one of those people who work out religiously. I could see a version of myself being this way, but trying to be that person right now at my current largeness feels like an impossible feat. There’s a disconnection between my desire to act and having the actual motivation to force myself into a new habit. Changing my eating habits has been easier.
When I first joined WW I was very opposed to the idea. You may even remember me referring to it as “AA for Fat People.” While I still have a hard time speaking up most weeks, I’ve grown to appreciate the weekly meetings. It’s amazing the things I’ve learned about how we should eat and why. It makes making food choices so much easier on a daily basis. Before I’d solely try to stay within my point range no matter what I was eating, but I found myself hungry and aggravated with no results. Now I eat quite a bit a day, but I’ve chosen “power” foods that help increase the weight loss process (like a lot of fruits and vegetables which are zero points) or foods high in protein to keep me full longer. It has changed my weight loss efforts drastically.
Overall I’ve only lost 10 lbs, but all of that has been recent weight loss because I just wasn’t doing it right in the beginning. While I still have so much more to go, I feel so much better already with just those first 10 lbs gone. There’s not turning back for me at this point. I am more determined than ever. I will succeed!
Peace – Sarah
*Instead of using the term “fat” our WW leader uses the word “fluffy.” When I think “fluffy” I think furry bunnies, cats, or dogs, soft stuffed toys, etc… and because of this I find her usage of the word “fluffy” in regards to fat people very amusing.
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