Maybe some of you remember my goal to lose a large amount of weight this year, especially before my sister’s wedding in September? Maybe you don’t and that’s okay, but I’m going to preach to you about its moments of success and failure.

In my attempts to lose weight this year, I joined Weight Watchers with my mother in late March, which I had dubbed “AA for Fatties” to be a smart ass since going was not my idea. After going for the better part of the year, my snarky attitude towards the program has drastically changed. Sure, it is a little structured like AA for a group of overweight people, but there’s a reason AA works for those inflicted with addictions and those same reasons are why WW works for overweight people.

There’s something about being around people who can completely relate to your struggle and who, unlike the average outsider, can understand your excitement over the most menial milestones like one pound a week. Most people would look at you like, “so what?” when you’re jumping for joy over that pound a week, but not WW people. WW people find this achievement huge because you lost something at all. Something about that encouragement, even over the smallest things, makes you work harder at making those achievements bigger each week. You never feel like you’re being judged in a WW meeting. You feel like you know these people, even though you never even see each other outside of that 30 minute meeting once a week.

Honestly, it took me a while to realize this. I knew that WW in general worked if you stuck to the “program” but because my mother was forcing me to go I sat in the meeting against my will and angsty for the first couple months, not absorbing a damn thing about what it had to offer. Now you’ll find me in the front row, asking questions, and making friends. It’s funny how much my attitude has changed.

The thing about WW, though, is that you have to go. You can’t just go for a little while and then think you’re fine on your own. You might succeed for a little while like that, but I assure you you’ll soon find yourself right back where you started. And so this is almost where I am now.

Once Rachel’s wedding had arrived, planning got intense and “extracurricular activities” like WW (and reading and writing, etc…) lost its priority. At that point I had lost 23 lbs. (on track to have probably lost 40 by now). I already felt fantastic, even though I still had a way to go to reach my desired weight. I thought nothing could break me. I thought for sure there was no way I’d let that weight come back because I’d worked so hard to make it fade. We virtually stopped going to WW in September and my theory of how well I’d do without it was totally wrong.

I have gained almost all of that weight back in just the last few months.

I could sit here and blame the holidays, and how the food is just too delicious to resist, and in an unusual abundance too, but I won’t. It’s called control, and I lost it. It’s about structure and routine, and I walked away from it. But it doesn’t mean I can’t make it happen again. I already know where I failed, I just need to get my shit back together and do it.

My overall weight loss goal still remains. I will not turn 30 this year feeling the way I do, carrying a fat suit that does not belong to my body.

January 2012, I return to Weight Watchers. This time, I won’t stop.

For those of you who struggle with your weight, how successful were you in 2011?

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