Tag Archives: aging

[Happy] Uterus Eviction Day

Someone wished me that on my FB this week, for my birthday. I LOL’d in real life.

 

Surprisingly, my birthday wasn’t so bad this year. It was super low key in comparison to birthday’s past, but it wasn’t bad either.

 

I’m not thrilled about getting older. Truthfully, I’m pretty terrified of it. And I have been since I turned 25. Being 32 now, you might think I’d start accepting my aging self, but I’m just as neurotic as I was about it then. Every year, a new mid-life crisis.

 

And I don’t even know why I’m so beside myself over this aging thing. I just feel like I’ll blink and then suddenly I’ll be 40, then 50, 60, and so on and still be mentally screaming, “What have I done with my life?!” I know I need to cut it out, to just accept it for what it is. There is no avoiding age, but I cling desperately to the notion that I’m still in my early 20’s. I’d be happy to stay there forever.

 

Aging aside, my birthday came and went this year with a lot of love. I jokingly said to my mom, “If you’re ever feeling lonely, like you have no friends, just have a birthday in the social media world and everyone and their brother will crawl out of the woodwork to shower you with love.” Because it’s true, on FB especially, people I never even talk to stopped by to wish me a happy birthday and even though it’s terribly superficial of me to equate that to love, I felt it.

 

This year was the first I’ve actually worked on my birthday in more than 10 years. I’m too overwhelmed with overtime that taking off wasn’t even an option and it was a bit weird to be in the office when I’d normally be sleeping in and spending my day with a book, but the girls at work unloaded copious amounts of sugary treats on me for breakfast and it’s pretty easy to win me over with goodies. For one, I’m the baker in our office so it was nice to have someone else bake for me for a change. And two, just the fact that they remembered and felt the need to do something was much appreciated.

 

I got singing phone calls from my grandparents (both sides), with their own renditions of Happy Birthday, which just always makes my day. I don’t think you ever get too old to enjoy your grandparents singing to you on your birthday. It’s like my mom still playing with my hair in church. There are just some things age plays no factor in.

 

My close friends and family gifted me some really cool stuff and I gathered together with my immediate family for pizza and dessert to celebrate after work. The day was made even better by my nephew Gideon greeting me with, “Happy Birthday!” when I arrived. That kid can make any day better just by smiling at me, but it’s especially awesome to see him talking so well these days.

 

Overall, I can’t complain. I’m blessed to have people around me that care to make the day special, even if I’m bummed about it signifying another year passed. I couldn’t ask for more, except maybe for Father Time to slow down, but I doubt he’s listening.

 

The Big 3-0 is looming…

My birthday is less than a month away now. It falls on Easter this year. It’s fallen on or around Easter several times before, but the most memorable Easter themed birthday celebration was in 1985. My sister was born less than a month before it and even though my birthday was technically the day after Easter this particular year, I celebrated it in my Easter dress with a bunny shaped cake and egg hunting. 

The fact that I’m turning thirty this year feels a bit depressing. How have three decades of my life passed so quickly? Why do I feel like the last ten especially never even really happened? In my mind, I still feel a lot more like I’m twenty than about to turn thirty. What does it mean to be thirty? Do I have to start officially acting older? Will birthdays ever hold the excitement they always have for me again after this one?

I remember turning twenty-five and feeling like I was already having some sort of mid-life crisis. My life, as I’d planned it, was nowhere near where I thought it’d be by twenty-five. As I’m about to turn thirty, it still isn't. I have to admit this bothers me more than I wish it did.

I try to remind myself that life just happens. You can plan small bits of it, but it doesn't mean it will completely turn out that way. There are other factors that play into how your life turns out. No matter how hard you try to have absolute control of it, the truth is you don’t. These reminders feel harder to swallow with every year I age though. I feel like time is slipping away from me and if I don’t do something to somehow trap it and slow it down soon, it will be over before I know it. I don’t want to have reached the end with zero accomplishments under my belt, or none of the goals I’d hoped to achieve in life complete.

If I could go back to little kid Sarah and give her some advice, it’d be to: Stop wishing you were older so much. It’s not all that glamorous. And all those years you spent wishing for a future you’d later find was nothing like you imagined could have been better spent enjoying being a kid. Something you will miss terribly when you actually are older.

We grow up too fast, in my opinion. Turning thirty, already…. it feels like it happen overnight almost. *sigh* I hope my negative outlook doesn't ruin the day when it finally arrives.

  
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