Seriously I can not stay focused.

My mind was completely in space all day at work today, I can’t keep doing this. And it’s not even like I was in one particular space the whole time, it’s not like any of the thoughts swimming around up there even had any relevance to anything so it was just completely wasted time. Useless things like how I use chap stick more then the average person and somehow my lips still seem chapped and that thought wondered to whether it’s safe to use chap stick as much as I do or not and as I put the chap stick away for the millionth time today the thoughts were immediately erased and replaced with something else completely random. I feel like I have ADD sometimes, although I know I don’t.

And I foolishly listened to some music that Maggie was listening to (Florence & the Machine) and got hooked so my “break from music” last week was also a waste. But I love this new music too much to quit it just yet. It makes me want to dance in a ridiculous way without a care in the world. (Go ahead, you can laugh imagining that)

All of this time in “space” got me thinking tonight though because I’ve got to get some sort of control up there and soon. Here’s what I came up with.

– I’ve been craving books. I’ve previewed like 20 books in the last couple of days on Amazon adding them to my wish list like I’m some sort of shopaholic (which I’m definitely not). I’m not allowed to buy any until my birthday though because that’s all my b-day wish list consisted of. It’s not far off, but I really want to read them – like now.

– I’m a lot more distraught over the changes that are necessary for my story to be what it needs to be then I originally thought I would be. I mean I’m still far more pleased with this new direction, but there are so many replacements of entire scenes, back story, and dialogue that need to happen. I’m finding myself sad to have to chop some of the stuff I thought was the better parts of the book, but there’s just no place for them now. I’ve been able to shift a few scenes around which was nice, but overall the whole process has been overwhelming.

Truthfully I think all of the “space” time is my brain trying to avoid difficulty which disappoints me. And maybe even the sudden urge to read is a way to justify to myself that it’s okay to give the book a break.

The real me disagrees. This is something I really want to finish and sooner rather then later. I already feel like it’s been too long, like I should have more accomplished by now. Something has to start clicking again up there and stop wasting so much time.

Desperately hoping the story doesn’t lose its luster while I impatiently wait for clarity to resurface in my mind.

Peace – Sarah

————

I write better than I speak, but I think better than I write

————