I made a big decision this weekend, one that I’ve been mulling over for quite a while now.
To start – three weeks ago I finished the edits on my first draft – part 1 of my book and since have felt away from myself mentally. So many new stories have presented themselves to me in the past three weeks and while I usually welcome the creativity it felt like I was being bombarded. I’d hear their voices so prominently in my head that it was giving me a headache. Too many people from too many different stories all demanding my attention at the same time. I’d try to entertain one story for the night and finish three chapters of it, going to bed thinking about what would come next only to wake up ready to write a new story. And so I did. In a little over a weeks time I had finished the first four chapters of three new stories and several snippets to the future of my main story. Not to mention the countless other plots I jotted down. When I finally appeased all of the new characters I felt numb.
While all of those new story lines pranced around in my brain, somewhere lost in the back of it was my main story. I wanted to return to it, but once I finally had the time I couldn’t bring myself to think about it. What was I avoiding? I decided to pick up a book for a while and let someone else’s words fill my mind instead of my own. It was unbelievably refreshing. I couldn’t put the book down it was so good and when I was finished, I read it again because it was just that perfect. I started another series after that wanting to continue to build my mental strength. And then finally I faced what I’d been avoiding all along.
I wasn’t satisfied with the length of my story or the unnecessary extra descriptive scenes. And I didn’t like the binding that surrounded it as it stood. I wanted more freedom with it, I wanted it more mine. There was so much I still loved about it and where it’s heading, but I know if I make adjustments it could be 100% better.
So this Saturday I finally felt like writing, but wasn’t sure what I should be writing. I turned on some Citizen Cope and stared off into space for a few hours letting the story play itself over and over again in my head. Waiting for the new piece, the missing thread, to show itself to me and then as if God had literally answered my prayers it walked into my mind. My fingers fell onto the keyboard and didn’t stop. Over and over again this pattern of space and typing to Citizen Cope repeated itself for the entire day until everything I didn’t like had been replaced.
So the big decision… well I’ve got a lot of editing to do to the last six months worth of work, but I think in the long run it will be for the better. Oddly enough I’m excited about it. I was a little overwhelmed at first about all the work wasted and all the work to come, but I like this new direction so much that I’m excited to write it.
I like feeling like me again, let’s hope there’s not another kink in my creativity for a while so I get some much needed writing accomplished.
Peace – Sarah
P.S. I hate when I come across a song that I don’t want to like, but then I do. Well I have to admit I found myself dancing to this song on repeat several times this weekend. The beat is sick IMO and there’s some pretty bad dance moves in the video. Dancing makes me happy 😉