– Done and done –

So I did it. They cuddled, they kissed, and they spent the night together and kissed some more in the morning. It was hot, believe me.


She laid her hand over my pounding heart and said, “I can’t just be your friend anymore Bryce, I love you so much more than that.”

“I’ve always loved you more than that Teagan.”


Thanks Captain. Until we sail again 😉

Peace – Sarah


The Most Random? Well, probably not the most.

NOTE: I’m not sure how much this blog post will flow as I started writing it at work in between final locations (where I can’t get on livejournal) and finished with my first drink in hand.

This week I got some of my mojo back writing wise, which completely excites me because I’ve missed my story so much. But rather than taking an axe to the beginning like I need to my mind wanted to work on rewriting that first kiss scene (since the old one is null & void now due to major plot line shifts) which doesn’t happen for a while from the start of the book. Problem with that is, well… see yesterday’s post and you’ll understand. So I’ve written four different versions of the scene this week and tonight (with the aide of the Captain) I plan to merge two of them together as the final version and hopefully – finally – I’ll be satisfied with it. I can’t help it that I prefer my characters together and that’s what keeps drawing me to write everything from that first kiss on instead of focusing on fixing all of the build up to that moment. The build up is necessary – it shapes them and makes their connection that much more important, but it’s no where near as fun to write in the minds of miserable confused people. It kind of drains me because I don’t really want to remember how to be miserable, ya know?

In relation to writing I have to gripe just a little about something. Creatively – I work in words and music, not art. That’s not completely true, I can draw houses, floor plans, and trees exceptionally well, but everything else is a not a skill I obtain. This isn’t what truly bothers me though – I’ve accepted this inability to draw or paint even though I’d like to be able to. What bothers me is that a major part of my story resolves around this symbol/crest/emblem (I know that doesn’t really exist, but…) and I can see exactly what it looks like in my mind, but I can’t seem to find anyone reliable enough to actually do the artwork for me. I’ve had three very artistic relatives agree to do it, tell me they actually worked on it, and then ignore my questions as to when I can see it. It’s frustrating because A) they’re my family – I mean come on, don’t you care at all? –AND- B) I really want to see it outside of my head and every time I’ve attempted to bring it to paper I’ve failed miserably. I NEED someone to do it, to bring it to life. Yet there is no one to do it. Stumped.

Anyway I fully plan on spending the majority of my weekend knocking out some much overdue writing and catching up on sleep (because that’s just something I don’t do well during the week). Heath finally fixed the Xbox 360 and I’m ecstatic to, after a year of waiting, finally be able to play Rock Band again. I’m really good, or at least I was. I’m sure it will be like riding a bike and regardless of how unpracticed I am I’ll still kick Heath’s ass so it will still be fun.

One last final thought: Today my 58 year old boss found out his cancer is officially in remission which elates not only him, but me too. Watching him fade away everyday at work for months killed me – I missed the man he used to be. But he’s back in full effect now (well not completely – he’s only gained 20lbs of the 70 he lost back, still can’t taste much and his hair just finally fuzzed over the top of his head) and today he did one of my favorite things.

A cubical wall separates our desks so I can never see his face unless I get up and look around the wall, but we are the only two in our room so we can hear everything the other is doing or saying. We try to take turns with our music choices and typically I refrain from playing music I know he absolutely doesn’t like (like rap/hip hop), but sometimes I just have to listen to something off the wall because of my mood. I love it when I hear him singing or humming along to songs I know he truly hates or would never listen to if I didn’t subject him to it. For example today I was playing a mix of a little bit of everything and I heard him singing along to several Citizen Cope songs and humming along to Kid Cudi and Miley Cyrus. It brings the biggest smile to my face.

Two summers ago I went through this huge Disney Pop phase; it was all I listened to for a month. And he sang along to so many of them it cracked me up because I knew if he knew they were Disney kids he’d be in denial. Then more recently I was listening to Miley Cyrus – Party in the USA and he said, “If I didn’t know any better I’d guess that was Miley Cyrus” and I said, “Good guess, but you do know better. You’ve sang along to a few of her songs before.” His mouth fell open shocked, “Nah Ah.”

When I went through an all Citizen Cope and all Sleepy Sun phase he sang along to almost every song. He even sent me the lyrics to Bullet & a Target because he likes the intro – lol. I made him copies of said music and when I gave it to him I said, “Here, you like these groups. Believe me – you know all the words.” He looked skeptical, but when he played them his don’t-want-to-believe-it face faded and he nodded, “Oh yeah, I do like these.”

I don’t know why, but I love it. He’s “hipper” than he thinks for his age :)

Peace – Sarah

P.S. Music is meant to be played as loud as possible while driving. Just saying.


See the thing about me being a Conservative is…

…I’ve come to a conclusion.

I can’t write sex scenes, or even semi erotic scenes – even kissing scenes without being intoxicated. It’s like the real me, the conservative – who never looks at nude anything except my fiancé – feels embarrassed when it happens in a movie (regardless of what my mind is capable of thinking about it) – old fashioned Sarah, can’t make the bridge between my thoughts and my fingers when it involves frisky topics. It’s like I’m physically not capable of making my thoughts come to paper because the conservative side of me says it’s wrong, but when I’ve got one drink in me a more liberal side of myself shows face. The one that’s capable of expressing such emotions or feelings – who‘s capable of making the thoughts appear in print.

That’s a bad thing, right? I feel like artists – artists who die of overdose because it makes them more creative. I mean I don’t ever see myself coming to this point because it doesn’t make me more creative – I don’t need help with that, but still I hate having to enter those realms to get the thoughts from my mind through my fingers. That doesn’t seem right. DON’T GET ME WRONG – anyone reading this, I only drink on Friday’s and sometimes Saturday’s. I USED to be a bad drinker and I know better than to ever walk that fine line again. STILL… I don’t like this blockade.

I mean how is it that I can have the thoughts, but not make them come forth? If I can think it – I should be able to write it, right? Apparently not with me. Ugh.

Peace – Sarah


Amazing what a difference a desk can do

Ah… I feel good.

Let me take a moment to say, “Thanks Mom – me loves the new desk!”

And take another moment to sit at the desk silently in awe of its massive space and giggle at the way it excites and inspires me to write.


Seriously, who would have thought a desk could have such an effect?

It has been far too long since I’ve had a decent workspace at home. For almost five years Heath and I shared one desk sitting up against each other like sardines in our executive size chairs. It was not ideal by any means. Then for my first year in our new apartment I actually had my own desk, but it was about 1/4 of the size of Heath’s and so tiny that I had to remove a drawer for my legs to fit underneath and lean the keyboard against the wall so I had enough room to do my bills. My executive size chair was too large to even tuck under it.

But NOW, a black beauty sits beneath the keyboard as I smack it and I can’t describe how it makes me feel, but I’ll try. Something about the space, the organization that’s now possible, all of the matching components, the small accents of pink (though it might have been better in green?) added to the black ensemble – the fact that I can rest my arms completely on it, and store a proper file cabinet beneath it, the beautiful new boxes that contain my most important words and I can even tuck my chair under it with ease.

It’s perfect, exactly what I needed. AND praise the Lord – it’s got me writing again. In fact, my own story interrupted one I was reading. Finally it is back in the forefront of my thoughts – where it belongs. Writing feels right again and easy. I just know this awesome new desk has something to do with it!

Peace – Sarah

Pictures of new & old desk can be seen HERE


That voice, it’s so familiar…

So she’s back.

That girl, the mysterious one I used to dream and write about. Her name’s Teagan.

And she’s not alone. He’s back too.

That guy, her best friend (her only friend), that guy she loves. His name’s Bryce.


Welcome back guys, I’ve missed you. Shall we begin?


Can’t have the Good, without the Bad

So while Birthday week was going down Heath was healing from a cut in his esophagus caused from a cough-sneeze combo while swallowing pizza crust. He was coughing up tiny strings and dots of blood, but nothing of much substance and the frequency dwindled down by the end of the week so we didn’t worry about it too much. But Friday we decided to have a few drinks and alcohol opened up a whole new can of worms. By Saturday he was coughing up fairly large clumps of blood, bright red blood. It’s now Wednesday and the frequency and size of the clumps has subsided since, but can I just say how scared it made me.

I thought the reasoning behind why he was coughing up blood seemed logical during the first week, but by Saturday I thought maybe I wasn’t taking the issue seriously enough. Doing a search for coughing up blood online brings up 290+ causes – none of which are good and being the worry wart I am my mind immediately went negative.

I had him drinking Mylanta round the clock, taking Mucinex DM to keep his coughs to a minimum and he ate very little in an effort to not rip back open any wounds. As a result, by Sunday night-Monday morning I found myself at the grocery store getting mashed potatoes, gravy, and chicken noodle soup in abundance because Heath loses energy & weight quickly when he doesn’t eat (I’m reminded of his 2½ day flu where he lost something like 16 lbs in the time frame and was blacking out when he tried to move on his own) – it’s scary.

So finally yesterday we went to Patient First and they did an X-Ray to ensure that the blood wasn’t coming from his lungs. Luckily, it wasn’t. (Sigh of relief, one ridiculously scary possibility out) The doctor seemed to find our theory logical, but worried that it was still bleeding after all of this time and suggested he see a GI specialist to have an endoscopy. He gave him a cough suppressant and suggested he keep up the soft foods diet until it stops.

There was still blood today, but about half as much as the day before and we’re praying it will be half as much tomorrow.


Outside of the anguish surrounding the above, being home playing nurse allowed me to read a really good book. I finished “The Last Song” by Nicholas Sparks and while I found myself not 100% into it in the beginning, I couldn’t put it down because something just told me it’d get better. And sure enough it did. I could have done without the mini chapters surrounding supporting character Marcus, but at least they were small so they didn’t take too much away from the meatier parts of the story. As far as the supporting characters of the book, I found myself enjoying Ronnie’s brother Jonah the most. For a 10 year old, he was quite funny and his relationship with his sister and dad is really something special.

I’ll be honest, I cried for almost the last 150 pages. Sometimes it was heartache, sometimes it was joy – most of the time it was a complete mix of both. And while I would have rather not sobbed over the entire end of the book, it was necessary to the story and finished well. The lessons and values illustrated wouldn’t have been complete without the tough walk to the end. Watching the change in Ronnie from the start of the book to the end is respectable and everything she has to go through to get from point A to point B makes her that much more impressive.

I wasn’t sure I’d see the movie, but after reading the book I would definitely like to see it. As I feel with most books-made-into-movies, I’m sure the book will be better. But since Nicholas Sparks wrote both the book and screenplay there’s a greater chance for it being extremely close to the book and that I like!

I started Maggie Stiefvater’s “Lament” while waiting in Patient First and I can see already I will enjoy it (not that I doubted I would – kind of can’t go wrong for me with fantasy, love, and Irish ties). I’m glad I went ahead and bought “Ballad” because I’m the kind of reader who prefers to read sets or series straight through and these aren’t long.

Peace – Sarah


One Heck of a Birthday!

Tuesday – Dinner with the family at PF Changs. Got to see my sister & her boyfriend for the first time in a while which was nice and there was the usual embarrassment/comedy of my father and grandfather taunting the waitress. It was quite fun. Also tried Red Velvet Cake for the first time – Yum!

Wednesday – Arctic Monkeys Concert at Ram’s Head Live with my mom. Ram’s Head Live was a really nice venue. It used to be BAR of Baltimore and The Improv Comedy Club side by side. I’d been to both of them, but never Ram’s Head as a whole. It was hard to imagine it the way it used to be.

The opening band was Sleepy Sun and for some reason I never have much faith in opening bands, but Sleepy Sun was REALLY good. Like 70’s Psychedelic rock good, and go figure they’re from San Fran. Mom really enjoyed them too. She was sitting down for a little bit while I watched against the railing. She was text messaging me to make sure I was okay with her sitting down for a minute (being the good mother that she is). Then the following text messages went something like this.

ME: That song was good, but that girl dances like she’s on drugs.
MOM: That’s EXACTLY what I was going to say. Very good, but she looks like she’s on acid.
(I laugh out loud and the girl next to me tries to read my phone)
ME: LOL. Prolly is.
(Some girl and her boyfriend try to creep up on my spot against the railing, but I hold my ground.)
MOM: Don’t let those people push you out. I’ll come down and whip some butt.
ME: LOL. I’m fine mom – you’re cracking me up with these messages.
MOM: I know I’m soooo COOL :)

She is too funny.

So then Arctic Monkeys came on and WOW. I was so excited to be there for my birthday! The instruments were a little too loud unfortunately over Alex Turner’s voice, but it was still great and they even played more older songs than I would have expected which makes me happy because I like the old fast stuff. You weren’t supposed to bring a camera in so taking my Canon Rebel XTS was out of the question. And mom panicked about me sneaking my Nikon Coolpix L6 in. She said, “You’re just like your dad, always breaking the rules.” Kind of funny considering I was the goody to shoo child – lol. In the end they didn’t even check bags and everyone and their brother had a camera or their phone in the air. I’m not sure what the point of even saying No Cameras was. Anyway, the pictures are terrible, but you can view them HERE.

Thursday – My Actual Birthday. Heath and I went to see Clash of the Titans in 3D – which was very good, but I wasn’t sure what the point of seeing it in 3D was. All of the action scenes happened too fast for you to get the 3D effect and there really wasn’t anything else jumping out of the screen aside from that. Regardless it was a very good movie and my day as a whole was very relaxing :)

Gifts – So I’ve already talked about the gifts I received this year several times because they were books and I couldn’t help myself. But I did get a few other things such as a pretty new box to store my writing stuff in (which is a huge upgrade from the COPY paper box I was using), my aunt gave me some really pretty Tulips, and the girls at work got me some balloons!

Isn’t that just the coolest bookmark? Gives me ideas for the publication of my book one day :)

Sorry for all of the pictures, I was in a picture kind of mood.

Peace – Sarah


– Birthday Week –

So I have and haven’t been looking forward to this week…

I’m NOT looking forward to the number 28. I don’t know why it’s bothering me, but I just feel so old and yet not at the same time. Like something’s expected of me at 28, something I haven’t fulfilled. I know there’s not and it’s irrational, but it’s bothering me nonetheless.

I AM looking forward to this weeks schedule. Tomorrow my family, Heath and I are having my birthday dinner at PF Changs (Candied Shrimp & Walnuts – YUM!), Wednesday my mother and I are going to the Arctic Monkeys concert downtown (I’m super stoked!), and then Thursday (my actual birthday) I took off so I could recover from the concert and Heath and I are going to the movies (likely to see either Alice in Wonderland or Clash of the Titans).

I hope it all pans out well and 28 doesn’t hassle me. It’s already started out so much better than I anticipated with all of the GREAT books I got this weekend – one of which (Beautiful Creatures) I can NOT put down! Imagine my excitement today when I found out its book 1 of 4, I can’t wait for the rest!

Peace – Sarah


– A View from the Pew on Easter Sunday –

I am one of those people who gets more out of spending my own time with God rather than attending church on a regular basis. I go on holidays though for my parents benefit because they enjoy my presence on the pew with them and I think it helps reassure them that my belief is still strong. Church is only for some people though, in my opinion, and my parents are those kinds of people (my dad in particular).

I am not. It’s not to say I despise church or anything because it’s actually quite the opposite. I am southern Baptist and my church, the early service at least, has a live band – a band that I find moving first thing in the morning. All of those instruments vibrating throughout the tiny church walls, it gets inside of you – whether you want it to or not and next thing you know you’re dancing and singing to a song you’ve never even heard before. Just that alone makes me feel like God’s smiling on us for rejoicing in his name this way.

Anyway, today’s sermon was lead by our temporary Pastor Ron. I say temporary because about 6 months ago my church underwent a chaotic mess of un-Christ like behavior and long story short – we’ve been without an official pastor since. Ron has always stepped up to the plate to preach when needed though ever since I was a little girl and while some may not be very fond of his ministering techniques, I always have.

Ron is a deep man and frequently loses control of his emotions at the pulpit. Caddy judgmental people find this characteristic in him a sign of weakness, but I don’t. I see Ron as a man so deeply filled with the Spirit of the Lord that sometimes he just weeps out of joy to be so lucky to know the Lord like he does. And something about the fact that he’s not scared to shed those tears in front of us, to me, gives him a more respectable human trait. Unlike some preachers who walk with an arrogance of self righteousness like they are better than those in the pews just because they stand at the pulpit. This is definitely NOT the kind of Pastor Ron is.

Today’s service was pretty standard for an Easter service, retelling the tale of Christ rising from his tomb after his death and it was accompanied by great live music in between the messages. And Ron didn’t cry. His eyes may have pricked a bit during the invitation, but I think most people’s do as they watch others rush forward to find salvation in Christ. It makes you feel good inside remembering how you felt when you were that non-believer changing sides. The sense of relief it brings to know you can walk in His light regardless of your previous walk with the dark. I get excited for the newcomers.

Ron’s message today was loud and physically large. His hands sprouting out with the Bible clutched between his fingers as he paced across the front of the church delivering God’s words. He wanted to get the point across and he wanted to do it without his normal emotional ups and downs. But some people watched him as if they couldn’t understand what he was saying. He is so deep, it all means so much to him and his intelligence in the matter is too much for some to comprehend. They see his mouth moving, hear his voice, but can’t grasp what he’s trying to tell them.

There wasn’t much point to this post except to mention that I think Ron does a fabulous job preaching and appears to have really tightened up his emotions so that people don’t get lost focusing on the wrong part of what he represents. Someone like Ron inspires me to be closer to God and I think he could have the same effect on our church if he was full time Pastor. I surely hope they give it some thought, instead of continuing to wait for God’s answer about a new Pastor when the answer might already be sitting in their pews ready.

Happy Easter everyone – Peace & God Bless – Sarah

Lifehouse – Everything Skit – I know this video is old now, but it still makes my skin prickle because it tells the story of so many. I love the intensity of her grappling through the devil’s pawns to get back into God’s protective embrace and then how he just throws them off of her, because God can overcome all. It brings tears to my eye every time I watch it because I was once that girl.

Good, but not good enough (right now)

Well the first Dexter book is great and extremely well written, but it’s just not holding my attention right now. Maybe it’s because I already know what happens, or maybe because like the Sookie Stackhouse collection I’m holding off on reading I’d rather read it when the TV show is in season. But I think the biggest reason is because before I received any of these glorious new additions to my library the one I was itching to read the most was “Beautiful Creatures”. Now that it’s in my possession the mere sight of it when passing my bookshelf makes me want to put Dexter down which means I’m not giving Dexter everything I should anyway.

Giving Dexter a break and moving onto “Beautiful Creatures”… even though I said I wouldn’t :/

Peace – Sarah